I have been dealing with a weight problem all of my life. Oh yes, I can hear some of you saying... "Who hasn't?" Right? Well, mine began at birth, weighing in for the first time at a whopping 12 pounds, 3 ounces. I have taken little comfort in the fact that I was NOT the biggest baby born in 1954 in Superior, WI. A childhood friend of mine holds that record. There was a short amount of time during my teens and into my twenties that I held onto a decent figure due to an illness I had in my early teens, but motherhood and a bad marriage had me putting on the pounds again in no time.
Tomorrow, I will take a step that will change my life forever in, God-willing, a very positive way. After 60 years of weight problems, I am hoping to soon be living life with an acceptable BMI and even more positively, as a person who is not dealing with possible diabetes or high blood pressure. It is not an easy path to travel. There may be times when I will question whether I made the right decision. It will definitely be a test of my fortitude and I am ready to face it.
A year and three months ago I was wishing that God would finally call me home, so that I would no longer be such an embarrassment to my family. They are, after all, my main reason for wanting to be here for years to come. My children and grandchildren, my brothers and their children, and my cousins are my everything, and I cannot wait to be in their lives in a more positive way. And all of my dear friends... these people have supported me in such an incredible way, it leaves me dumbfounded at times.
I have put my faith in God and my doctor to see me through this, one way or another. If it goes south, at least I tried to better myself, instead of becoming a burden to those I love. I'm excited about my future again for the first time in ten years! I just wish tomorrow would get here right now, so I could get started making new memories with everyone! I'm so ready to fill my spot on what bariatric patients refer to as the *Losers Bench*, dammit! Patience has never been one of my virtues. :p~~~~~~~
xoxJBDxox
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Disappointment... or not.
We all suffer disappointments in our lives. I'm not talking about major things like losing a child or parent or spouse, or losing a job or your life savings to a scam or anything major. Just disappointments that can cause us to become depressed or ornery when they happen.
Today I was given a disappointment to deal with because of someone else's mistake. This gal called to tell me that she had scheduled my surgery date wrong, and was literally falling over herself because she felt so awful about it.
A year ago, I might have read her the riot act and spent the next month pissing and moaning about my misfortune. That was a year ago. In the split second following her telling me that my surgery would be pushed back 3 weeks, I made up my mind that there is no sense in crying over my disappointment.
I can be disappointed without making a big deal about it. I can be disappointed without taking it out on that gal that made a mistake. And after all, it was just a mistake.. something we all do from time to time, because we are human and not perfect.
I honestly don't know where all this wisdom suddenly came from. It's completely new to my character, believe me, but I'll take it and run with it, because It feels a whole lot better to smile and get past it, than to wallow in disappointment, like we so often see people do.
Surgery Reset: March 30th - 7:15 AM. I'll be there with bells on!
xxxJBDxxx
Today I was given a disappointment to deal with because of someone else's mistake. This gal called to tell me that she had scheduled my surgery date wrong, and was literally falling over herself because she felt so awful about it.
A year ago, I might have read her the riot act and spent the next month pissing and moaning about my misfortune. That was a year ago. In the split second following her telling me that my surgery would be pushed back 3 weeks, I made up my mind that there is no sense in crying over my disappointment.
I can be disappointed without making a big deal about it. I can be disappointed without taking it out on that gal that made a mistake. And after all, it was just a mistake.. something we all do from time to time, because we are human and not perfect.
I honestly don't know where all this wisdom suddenly came from. It's completely new to my character, believe me, but I'll take it and run with it, because It feels a whole lot better to smile and get past it, than to wallow in disappointment, like we so often see people do.
Surgery Reset: March 30th - 7:15 AM. I'll be there with bells on!
xxxJBDxxx
Tuesday, February 17, 2015
It's up to me
First let me say that if you have a negative opinion regarding weight loss surgery, feel free to close this page now and NOT leave any remark that might injure my delicate sensibilities at this time.
Thank you.
As many of you know, I began a journey this past year to get healthy for, well really, the first time in my life. Hearing a doctor tell you that you are diabetic and have emphysema, along with high blood pressure... it pretty much sucks the wind right out of your sails. I'm not going to mince words here. Some of these maladies were directly attributed to my obesity and I knew I had to step up to the plate (I don't mean the dinner plate) and get myself healthy.
Fast forward one year and here I am... 45 pounds lighter, a non-smoker and most importantly, beginning to live my life again. I kicked what I thought was my worst addiction (smoking) without even a whimper, but I found out that another of my addictions is food.
It's not so simple to kick a food addiction because we all need food in order to survive. Some would say I should just continue to follow the course I've been on, but that is much easier said than done. I cannot lose another 50 or 100 or more pounds on my own. I need a special tool to help me accomplish this goal, as much as anyone needs certain tools to do certain things.
My cardio-vascular doctor, way back in March of 2014, told me I had best consider bariatric surgery if I wanted to save my legs from amputation. I know I looked at him like he was speaking to me in Latin. No way could I afford an elective surgery, and so I shrugged off his suggestion. Imagine my surprise when I next visited my primary doctor and was told that it was quite possible that my insurance would indeed cover the surgery!
A lot of people are under the impression that this kind of surgery is an easy out for fat people. Nothing could be further from the truth. Hell, I haven't even had the surgery yet, and have jumped through so many hoops, it's unbelievable.
Starting next Monday, I will start a 2-week high protein, low carb diet plan... or pretty much what I've been following for the past 7 months. LOL At the end of those 2 weeks, on March 9th, I will be having gastric bypass surgery, otherwise known as Roux-en-Y surgery, coupled with a hernia repair. Ultimately, what this tool does is limit me from eating too much, though if I don't follow my training, I can stretch my pouch and regain the weight. This is a life-changing decision for me and one that I am so looking forward to achieving.
I have spent the past many months learning everything I can about this course of action I'm taking. I have not come to this decision lightly and I am more than aware that my journey will not be easy by any means. That being said, it is the right course for me. I so look forward to being able to walk for more than 10 minutes without my back and legs feeling like they're on fire. I'm so excited to go to my grandkids basketball games, or graduations or even their weddings one day perhaps. I can't wait to go home to Superior to see my brother and uncle and my many friends that are still there, and God willing, I will be at my 45th and 50th class reunions.
It's up to me and yes, I can do this!
xxxJBDxxx
Thank you.
As many of you know, I began a journey this past year to get healthy for, well really, the first time in my life. Hearing a doctor tell you that you are diabetic and have emphysema, along with high blood pressure... it pretty much sucks the wind right out of your sails. I'm not going to mince words here. Some of these maladies were directly attributed to my obesity and I knew I had to step up to the plate (I don't mean the dinner plate) and get myself healthy.
Fast forward one year and here I am... 45 pounds lighter, a non-smoker and most importantly, beginning to live my life again. I kicked what I thought was my worst addiction (smoking) without even a whimper, but I found out that another of my addictions is food.
It's not so simple to kick a food addiction because we all need food in order to survive. Some would say I should just continue to follow the course I've been on, but that is much easier said than done. I cannot lose another 50 or 100 or more pounds on my own. I need a special tool to help me accomplish this goal, as much as anyone needs certain tools to do certain things.
My cardio-vascular doctor, way back in March of 2014, told me I had best consider bariatric surgery if I wanted to save my legs from amputation. I know I looked at him like he was speaking to me in Latin. No way could I afford an elective surgery, and so I shrugged off his suggestion. Imagine my surprise when I next visited my primary doctor and was told that it was quite possible that my insurance would indeed cover the surgery!
A lot of people are under the impression that this kind of surgery is an easy out for fat people. Nothing could be further from the truth. Hell, I haven't even had the surgery yet, and have jumped through so many hoops, it's unbelievable.
Starting next Monday, I will start a 2-week high protein, low carb diet plan... or pretty much what I've been following for the past 7 months. LOL At the end of those 2 weeks, on March 9th, I will be having gastric bypass surgery, otherwise known as Roux-en-Y surgery, coupled with a hernia repair. Ultimately, what this tool does is limit me from eating too much, though if I don't follow my training, I can stretch my pouch and regain the weight. This is a life-changing decision for me and one that I am so looking forward to achieving.
I have spent the past many months learning everything I can about this course of action I'm taking. I have not come to this decision lightly and I am more than aware that my journey will not be easy by any means. That being said, it is the right course for me. I so look forward to being able to walk for more than 10 minutes without my back and legs feeling like they're on fire. I'm so excited to go to my grandkids basketball games, or graduations or even their weddings one day perhaps. I can't wait to go home to Superior to see my brother and uncle and my many friends that are still there, and God willing, I will be at my 45th and 50th class reunions.
It's up to me and yes, I can do this!
xxxJBDxxx
Friday, January 23, 2015
Ramblings of an aging woman... Chapter 4
This seems an appropriate time to add a chapter to my story. I let these things go for too long at times, and forget that I don't have an infinite amount of time on this earth. That is to say that I don't often dwell on death. Truth be told, I have taken a great many steps this past year to hopefully prolong my life for say... another 20 years perhaps? LOL It's in God's hands, I know, but a girl can dream, right?
One year ago to this very day, I quit smoking. It wasn't necessarily by choice for the first 5 days, but because I was in the hospital with no recourse but to abstain. However, once I got the verdict that I had emphysema/COPD and would need to be on oxygen, that pretty much sealed my fate. Oddly enough, I wasn't at all upset about not smoking, maybe because I was preoccupied with the thought of what lay ahead for me with regards to the function of my lungs. I knew I had been struggling for a couple years with my breathing, but chalked it up to simply being overweight.
You cannot imagine my surprise when, a week after getting home from the hospital, as I stepped out of the shower, I realized that I was not gasping for breath for the first time in years and it felt so damn great! I couldn't attribute it to the oxygen that had been delivered by the tankful a few days before, because I really hadn't been using it. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was no longer smoking and this is what it felt like to actually take a deep breath.
It's one year later. All of the oxygen tanks have been returned to the medical equipment company. I am still able to take deep breaths with little effort. I've dropped somewhere between 45 and 50 pounds and there is a treadmill waiting for me at Planet Fitness today. There is much more work to be done on myself, but I can now actually imagine my being here for another 20 years. God willing.
xxxJBDxxx
One year ago to this very day, I quit smoking. It wasn't necessarily by choice for the first 5 days, but because I was in the hospital with no recourse but to abstain. However, once I got the verdict that I had emphysema/COPD and would need to be on oxygen, that pretty much sealed my fate. Oddly enough, I wasn't at all upset about not smoking, maybe because I was preoccupied with the thought of what lay ahead for me with regards to the function of my lungs. I knew I had been struggling for a couple years with my breathing, but chalked it up to simply being overweight.
You cannot imagine my surprise when, a week after getting home from the hospital, as I stepped out of the shower, I realized that I was not gasping for breath for the first time in years and it felt so damn great! I couldn't attribute it to the oxygen that had been delivered by the tankful a few days before, because I really hadn't been using it. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was no longer smoking and this is what it felt like to actually take a deep breath.
It's one year later. All of the oxygen tanks have been returned to the medical equipment company. I am still able to take deep breaths with little effort. I've dropped somewhere between 45 and 50 pounds and there is a treadmill waiting for me at Planet Fitness today. There is much more work to be done on myself, but I can now actually imagine my being here for another 20 years. God willing.
xxxJBDxxx
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
2014 in Review
Do any of you recall Dr. Phil talking about those *defining moments* in your life? I think we all experience those moments several times throughout our lives, but how many people can say that an entire year was a defining moment for them?
2014, in it's entirety, has been a huge defining moment for me. Like the previous 6 to 8 years prior, I entered 2014 feeling defeated. I had literally turned my life into meaningless days upon days, and looked to the future with such dread that I prayed, at times, for God to please just put me out of my misery. I was in so much pain, physically and emotionally, that life seemed useless, unimportant and a waste of my time.
On January 23rd, 2014, I had my son take me to the emergency room because I had a pretty awful wound on my left leg that I'd been dealing with for about 6 months. It never seemed to get better and definitely wasn't healing through anything I was doing and I'd had enough. I did not know on that trip to the ER that my life would take a definite and immediate change in course; one that I am forever grateful for now.
Since that particular day in late January 2014, I have gone through a life-changing transformation that even astonishes me.
-Diagnosed with Emphysema/COPD
-Hooked up to an oxygen tank.
-Quit smoking.
-Tested as pre-diabetic
-Began a series of visits to the wound center and got my leg healed up, at least on the surface.
-Made first appt. with a primary doctor in 10 years.
-Tested diabetic.
-Began low carb, no sugar wellness plan.
-Lost 45 pounds (so far).
-Tested negative for Diabetes.
-Reconnected with family and friends.
-Spent the most wonderful and meaningful Christmas with my family that I can remember.
This is not the end of this particular journey for me. 2015 promises even bigger changes, happier times, healthier living and more. I am so grateful to God for guiding me to the life I have today. I am continuously awed by the loving and giving nature of my family, and in particular, my sons, daughter and son-in-law, grandchildren and my brothers. Certainly, without the outpouring of genuine concern from my extended family and friends, I would not have gotten through this year in such a stellar way. I wake up every morning now, eager to face the day, no matter what it may bring and my children, in particular, understand just how huge that is for me.
I used to hate seeing posts on Facebook, saying, in essence, "I love my life". It rankled me to no end, yet now I have joined the club of *LIFE LOVERS* and it's awesome! I wish that everyone in the world could feel this good about each breath they take, and that is what I pray for every, single day.
Happy New Year to you all and thank you for being a part of my journey. xxxJBDxxx
2014, in it's entirety, has been a huge defining moment for me. Like the previous 6 to 8 years prior, I entered 2014 feeling defeated. I had literally turned my life into meaningless days upon days, and looked to the future with such dread that I prayed, at times, for God to please just put me out of my misery. I was in so much pain, physically and emotionally, that life seemed useless, unimportant and a waste of my time.
On January 23rd, 2014, I had my son take me to the emergency room because I had a pretty awful wound on my left leg that I'd been dealing with for about 6 months. It never seemed to get better and definitely wasn't healing through anything I was doing and I'd had enough. I did not know on that trip to the ER that my life would take a definite and immediate change in course; one that I am forever grateful for now.
Since that particular day in late January 2014, I have gone through a life-changing transformation that even astonishes me.
-Diagnosed with Emphysema/COPD
-Hooked up to an oxygen tank.
-Quit smoking.
-Tested as pre-diabetic
-Began a series of visits to the wound center and got my leg healed up, at least on the surface.
-Made first appt. with a primary doctor in 10 years.
-Tested diabetic.
-Began low carb, no sugar wellness plan.
-Lost 45 pounds (so far).
-Tested negative for Diabetes.
-Reconnected with family and friends.
-Spent the most wonderful and meaningful Christmas with my family that I can remember.
This is not the end of this particular journey for me. 2015 promises even bigger changes, happier times, healthier living and more. I am so grateful to God for guiding me to the life I have today. I am continuously awed by the loving and giving nature of my family, and in particular, my sons, daughter and son-in-law, grandchildren and my brothers. Certainly, without the outpouring of genuine concern from my extended family and friends, I would not have gotten through this year in such a stellar way. I wake up every morning now, eager to face the day, no matter what it may bring and my children, in particular, understand just how huge that is for me.
I used to hate seeing posts on Facebook, saying, in essence, "I love my life". It rankled me to no end, yet now I have joined the club of *LIFE LOVERS* and it's awesome! I wish that everyone in the world could feel this good about each breath they take, and that is what I pray for every, single day.
Happy New Year to you all and thank you for being a part of my journey. xxxJBDxxx
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Christmas is here
Christmas for me, like for so many others, has always been a very special time of the year. As I grow older and have the time to look back on the past 59 Christmas seasons I've enjoyed, I have come to realize that all the presents in the world could never measure up to the time spent with family and friends. I yearn for the days when my mother and dad were still here; when gramma Gen and I would spend days baking cookies and pies and making rock candy and divinity. There was always music playing in the house, either on the stereo, or my sister and I playing the piano and singing. I remember the year that all my brothers were home for Christmas with their families. I think it was the one and only time we were all together in one place and I wish I had known how important that event was then.
Mother entrusted me with trimming the tree. It wasn't one of the things she enjoyed doing. It became one of my fave things to do until recent years. The sparkling lights and pretty ornaments... my folks ornaments were all pretty generic, but when I started my family, I started a growing collection of very meaningful ornaments that bring back such wonderful memories too many to describe. The ones I hold dearest were made by my children during their school years and those that my mother would give me as well.
By the time my first grandchild was born, we were fortunate enough to live next door to none other than Santa Claus himself. Every Christmas Eve, Santa would make his way, in full regalia, through whatever weather we were having, to bring a doll for Adrianna and toys for Brandon and Erik. It became a tradition that, unfortunately, ended when the grandchildren got a little too old to fall for it. Strangely enough, until this writing, they have always thought that Santa was their uncle Matt, who I'm sure would have done a very fine job of it were it not for the fact that our neighbor insisted he do the honors.
This Christmas Eve will be quiet in the Duffy household. Bill, Mark and I will enjoy a nice seafood dinner, then we'll begin to prep things for our family celebration tomorrow. My daughter Amanda and her family will join us in the afternoon for games and dinner and I'm sure heaps of laughter. We will all be missing my son, Matthew, who is currently working extreme hours in extreme weather up on Lutsen Mountain in Minnesota. Hopefully next year, he will be here with us once more.
Merry Christmas everyone with love ~
xxJBDxx
Mother entrusted me with trimming the tree. It wasn't one of the things she enjoyed doing. It became one of my fave things to do until recent years. The sparkling lights and pretty ornaments... my folks ornaments were all pretty generic, but when I started my family, I started a growing collection of very meaningful ornaments that bring back such wonderful memories too many to describe. The ones I hold dearest were made by my children during their school years and those that my mother would give me as well.
By the time my first grandchild was born, we were fortunate enough to live next door to none other than Santa Claus himself. Every Christmas Eve, Santa would make his way, in full regalia, through whatever weather we were having, to bring a doll for Adrianna and toys for Brandon and Erik. It became a tradition that, unfortunately, ended when the grandchildren got a little too old to fall for it. Strangely enough, until this writing, they have always thought that Santa was their uncle Matt, who I'm sure would have done a very fine job of it were it not for the fact that our neighbor insisted he do the honors.
This Christmas Eve will be quiet in the Duffy household. Bill, Mark and I will enjoy a nice seafood dinner, then we'll begin to prep things for our family celebration tomorrow. My daughter Amanda and her family will join us in the afternoon for games and dinner and I'm sure heaps of laughter. We will all be missing my son, Matthew, who is currently working extreme hours in extreme weather up on Lutsen Mountain in Minnesota. Hopefully next year, he will be here with us once more.
Merry Christmas everyone with love ~
xxJBDxx
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Ramblings of an aging woman... Chapter 3
I've been in one of my thoughtful moods of late and factoring in that it's the
holiday season, it seems quite reasonable to me. I get quiet; I read; I listen to
music and I think about the people who have come and gone in my lifetime. I also
cry during these times, but it is a good cry.
My parents and grandparents are gone, along with one of my three brothers and both
of my sisters. Coming from a family that gave me a wealth of aunts and uncles,
it's mind-boggling to realize that only two of them are still here. My cousins,
nieces and nephews are a constant joy in my life and my children and grandchildren
are the center of everything that means anything to me.
Social media has afforded me the opportunity to reconnect with friends I haven't
seen in over 40 years and continue my relationships with those who have been a
part of my life all along. But as life would have it, I have lost a few of these
friends far too soon, including my closest friend who passed away nearly 14 months
ago.
Not a day passes that Carla isn't in my thoughts somehow, someway. Tomorrow will
mark what would have been her 59th birthday. She was two months and three days
younger than me, and she took every opportunity to remind me of that.
Over the years, I worried about Carla's health. She was wrongly diagnosed with MS
at one point, but then told me they really didn't think that's what she was
dealing with. During the final two years of Carla's life, I was aware her illness
was escalating and what exactly she was facing. She wrote me a long and detailed
email explaining it all to me and told me how it finally came about that she was
diagnosed with Sarcoidosis.
Carla waged a brave fight against this insidious disease. She had days that were
extremely painful. There were times when even her speech was affected, yet just a
few months before she passed away, on a day that she wasn't feeling her best, she
called to tell me about her son's engagement and her personal joy. She didn't
complain or whine for one moment of that conversation. In fact, after I received
her email detailing her illness, she never mentioned it to me again.
I want people to know about my best friend. I want people to understand that there
are heroes, like Carla, among us, even in angel form. She was human and made
mistakes, like all of us have, yet she lived her life courageously and never gave
up hope.
Carla inspired me to work toward a cure for this disease and I began raising
awareness about it through a group I belong to online. We have raised hundreds of
thousands of dollars for the Sarcoidosis Foundation.
http://www.stopsarcoidosis.org/
Though monetary donations are always welcomed by the Sarcoidosis Foundation, if
you cannot afford to do so, then I would ask that you take a moment and simply
click *LIKE* on the following Facebook page to bring further awareness to those
who may not have heard of this illness.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Sarcoidosis-Reach-for-a-Cure/299962673213
In memory of Carla Jean Lozon.
holiday season, it seems quite reasonable to me. I get quiet; I read; I listen to
music and I think about the people who have come and gone in my lifetime. I also
cry during these times, but it is a good cry.
My parents and grandparents are gone, along with one of my three brothers and both
of my sisters. Coming from a family that gave me a wealth of aunts and uncles,
it's mind-boggling to realize that only two of them are still here. My cousins,
nieces and nephews are a constant joy in my life and my children and grandchildren
are the center of everything that means anything to me.
Social media has afforded me the opportunity to reconnect with friends I haven't
seen in over 40 years and continue my relationships with those who have been a
part of my life all along. But as life would have it, I have lost a few of these
friends far too soon, including my closest friend who passed away nearly 14 months
ago.
Not a day passes that Carla isn't in my thoughts somehow, someway. Tomorrow will
mark what would have been her 59th birthday. She was two months and three days
younger than me, and she took every opportunity to remind me of that.
Over the years, I worried about Carla's health. She was wrongly diagnosed with MS
at one point, but then told me they really didn't think that's what she was
dealing with. During the final two years of Carla's life, I was aware her illness
was escalating and what exactly she was facing. She wrote me a long and detailed
email explaining it all to me and told me how it finally came about that she was
diagnosed with Sarcoidosis.
Carla waged a brave fight against this insidious disease. She had days that were
extremely painful. There were times when even her speech was affected, yet just a
few months before she passed away, on a day that she wasn't feeling her best, she
called to tell me about her son's engagement and her personal joy. She didn't
complain or whine for one moment of that conversation. In fact, after I received
her email detailing her illness, she never mentioned it to me again.
I want people to know about my best friend. I want people to understand that there
are heroes, like Carla, among us, even in angel form. She was human and made
mistakes, like all of us have, yet she lived her life courageously and never gave
up hope.
Carla inspired me to work toward a cure for this disease and I began raising
awareness about it through a group I belong to online. We have raised hundreds of
thousands of dollars for the Sarcoidosis Foundation.
http://www.stopsarcoidosis.org/
Though monetary donations are always welcomed by the Sarcoidosis Foundation, if
you cannot afford to do so, then I would ask that you take a moment and simply
click *LIKE* on the following Facebook page to bring further awareness to those
who may not have heard of this illness.
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Sarcoidosis-Reach-for-a-Cure/299962673213
In memory of Carla Jean Lozon.
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